You might be a religious hypocrite if...

We're all familiar with the logical contradictions of religious belief; people being certain they've picked the one right god out of thousands, thinking the idea of an omnipotent being makes sense, calling Islam a religion of peace without falling over laughing...

But recently the hypocrisy has been bothering me more than the illogicality.  A couple of days ago I asked people on Twitter for their most hated examples of religious hypocrisy.  Many people replied, and I'd like to thank them for their help in compiling the following (far from exhaustive!) list for religious believers to think about.

You might just be a religious hypocrite if:

You don't accept evolution but you take antibiotics.

You believe in the Young-Earth creation story but use petrol.

You credit an omnipotent, omniscient being with all the good stuff, but blame him for none of the bad stuff.

You believe in your god on the grounds that it can't be disproved, but think invisible unicorns, the Flying Spaghetti Monster and other deities are silly.

You've had life-saving medical treatment and then thanked God for your recovery.

You think you're exercising your right to free speech when you tell us we're going to hell and then scream persecution when we tell you your religion's a crock of shit.

You believe your magic book is the work of an infallible god, but think you're allowed to overlook the bits on slavery and genocide.

You call yourself "pro-life" while supporting war and the death penalty, and opposing gun control, state-funded healthcare and stem-cell research.

You claim to believe that God looks after you but you still lock your doors, use seatbelts and take medicines.

You tell your congregation homosexuality is an abomination and then turn out to be gay.

You think the idea of a loving God who'll torture you for eternity makes sense. (Actually, that one makes you not so much a hypocrite as a moron.)

You categorically disavow evolution despite not understanding its most basic principles.

You say the Old Testament is not to be taken literally... apart from the bits that are.

You use Leviticus to argue against marriage equality, while ignoring all the bits about tattoos and trimming your beard.

You believe in heaven, but oppose euthanasia and assisted suicide.

You believe you'll go to heaven when you die, but you'll fight tooth and nail for that heart surgery.

You tell us science is a hoax or doesn't work ON FUCKING TWITTER!!!

You think God's rules are set in stone and must be obeyed on pain of being sent to hell, but you drive on Sundays and have kids out of wedlock.

You think a human foetus has more rights than a human adult.

You think other people need God's rules to be moral, but you ignore them yourself.

You thank God for saving one life in a disaster that kills dozens or hundreds or thousands.

You think people need the threat of hell to be moral, and think that makes YOU more moral than us.

You accept evolution but still believe in the original sin of two people who categorically never existed.

You accept all the benefits and perks handed to you on a plate by modern science, but cry like a little bitch when it shows up the ridiculousness of your religious beliefs.

You tell us that God is beyond human comprehension, then give us a list of his pet hates and tell us in detail what'll happen to us if we disobey the rules.



...I'm certain there are many, many more - if I've missed any that bug you, please add them in the comments.

(My thanks to @PaulADennett, @Cull58, @paulsellick, @adamwt1978, @danielsilas, @Dianora_1, @590409, @LolloJames, @DJCSouthport, @WCHamilton, @yanquetino, @Graham_Gowland, @richardsweet, @billyrunaway, @hookstonecol, @MrMRM513, @OgreMkV, @BobPowellUK, @westhamfool, @BrianBuchbinder, @ZEN_racer, and @LJ_Graey.)